You may know you are people-pleasing, but are you aware of all the people pleasing activities you engage in? Here are 10 signs that could indicate you are doing more people-pleasing than you thought:
Difficulty saying no. An obvious one but bearing in mind we have the right to say no to anything we do not want to do. We have a right to keep our time, money and energy for the things that we want and need them for.
Difficultly setting, or holding boundaries. You've managed to say no but the other person is very persistent, and you cave in. Some people will need you to say no to them several times and that can be tough. It can help to hold in mind that there are plenty of other people they can turn to (even if they think you are the only one that can help them).
You are a social chameleon. You have a great ability to adapt to the person you are with. This can be a great skill, when used intentionally, it can help you through difficult social interactions, but can be draining if it's a continual way of being socially. It can leave you feeling isolated and alone, as you are not presenting your truest self.
You never have any 'you' time. You find that you are either very busy, or very tired and it's difficult to fit in activities that are just for you to decompress. This is linked to setting boundaries and jealously guarding your own time to rejuvenate - you're worth it!
You're tired all the time. This is to do with over-committing to activities and responsibilities and not allowing enough time to rest, or account for experiencing poor sleep patterns. Sometimes we can have a distorted sense of how much one person can, should, or would want to take on in one day. Being an over-achieving superhero can be addictive but when our life nears the end - never would we ever think - thank goodness I got all those reports done/made that cake at midnight/made sure the house was always spotless.
You fear hurting or upsetting others. Either saying yes when you mean no, or not speaking your mind due to fearing harming others, or being an awful person. This is one of the trickiest. It can be very uncomfortable and anxiety provoking to start to experiment with stepping out of this pattern and this is the one I most often find people want help with, in the form of coaching or counselling. I'll be adding a blog post specifically to help with this in the coming weeks.
You find yourself feeling resentful. Great that you are feeling resentful! It can feel like the other person is at fault but actually it tells you that you over-stepped your own boundaries and got involved in something when you didn't really want to. It's like an internal warning system. Ignore it at your own peril!
You apologise for things that you did not do, or were not your fault. Here - I simply promise you - stop apologising when you don't need to - and the more you do it the easier it gets. Doing this does something else much more important too though. It puts you on level standing with those around you, rather than you feeling like a doormat, or less than. Really important!
You avoid conflict at all costs. You do not speak your mind, you freeze and you say yes, feeling there are no other options. Let's be honest here. Some people are abusive or difficult and we need to move away from them, rather than tackle them. Otherwise, stepping out gradually and safely saying no, or speaking your mind can feel uncomfortable or anxiety provoking but definitely worthwhile.
You anticipate others needs and act accordingly. This makes you a great friend/partner/parent lovely to have you around but can cause you to feel lonely and isolated because, if you put your own needs last, other people are often not aware of what you want or need either and so you can find yourself thinking about others and taking them into consideration but wondering why they seem to never do the same for you.
If any of this is resonating with you and you would like a free consultation about either coaching or counselling for this click here to set up an appointment with me
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